I sit here writing this sitting at a bar in Terminal 1 at Toronto Pearson Airport. As I start drinking my larger-than-normal glass of Chardonnay, trying to take my mind off of the fact I’m about to board a plane I feel like a sham. What ‘traveler’ (however that term looks to you) is terrified of flying?
When I say terrified of flying, I mean it. I’m not typically a religious person but as soon as I board a plane I become some sort of devout Christian, silently saying prayer after prayer thinking if I stop we’re for sure going down.
One time on a shotty plane ride from Toronto to Chicago I started crying, paralyzed with fear from the extreme turbulence we were experiencing in the small propeller plane. It was so bad that the flight attendant nearby had to come over and speak with me, reassuring me that it was routine turbulence and we were fine.
On another flight to Las Vegas for a Press Trip we hit an air pocket and I was lifted on my seat. I saw my life flash before my eyes while the woman sitting next to me had the nerve to sit there and say, “wow wasn’t that fun?!” I don’t think I’ve ever given someone a worse look in my life. No, lady that was NOT fun.
I feel like my fear of flying only gets worse with age. The more I hear about plane crashes or scary things happening in the air, the more terrified I’ve become. I’m a mess on takeoff, and even worse during landing. My whole body shakes uncontrollably. Ben often has to sit there reassuring me that we’re fine and nothing is wrong. He thinks it helps, but I won’t tell him otherwise.
One time I tried taking sleeping pills on a 16-hour flight from Tokyo to Toronto. Boy was that a mistake. Somehow the medication mixed with adrenaline had me not just awake but wide awake, staring at a screen watching movie after movie after movie. I was too afraid to stand up and disturb the others around me so I just sat trying not to drink too much liquid so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom.
Another time, on our way to Iceland, I tried taking melatonin, hoping the natural remedy would help me doze off. Nope. Again, I was awake but this time stuck between some weird world between sleepy and awake. Frustrated and uncomfortable, I barely stopped fidgeting the entire flight.
Why am I sharing all of this with you? I’m not sure, possibly in the hopes that someone else out there who travels often experiences what I do. I can’t be the only one. I keep pushing myself to fly because I’m hoping that one day I”ll just get over it. One day I’ll board a plane and think, pfft what was I ever worried about?
For now, I feel like a sham. Every time I post a happy photo of my at the airport, ready to board a plane to my next destination I’m secretly miserable on the other end. Don’t get me wrong, once I get there I’m the happiest person in the world but everything leading up to that moment is like slow, painful torture.
Last year I took a total of 14 flights. 14 times I consciously faced my biggest fear. What an idiot. While I’ve lived to write to you about it, it certainly wasn’t fun.
I’ve recently discovered the magic of alcohol before flying. So far the one thing that helps calm my nerves and make me slightly more excited to board a plane is getting drunk. Or at least drunk enough that I can function and won’t get kicked off the flight.
Sometimes I feel like, as a travel blogger, I should love flying. It should be my favourite thing in the world to board a plane and be stuck midair in a metal tube with God knows what holding you up. I’m sure someone is sitting reading this and laughing or judging me.
The thing I’ve realized though, is that everyone has a fear. Ben’s (he’ll kill me for saying so), is white sauces. If you come anywhere near him with mayonnaise he will absolutely flip out. I guess my fear of flying doesn’t seem so crazy next to that (sorry Ben).
Are you terrified of flying? I’d love to hear how you’ve overcome it, or at the very least helped yourself to manage it.
So glad to hear I’m not the only one who finds flying to be a necessary evil and not an enjoyable experience. I keep hoping that if I fly more, the fear will disappear, but 10 flights last year didn’t do the trick. Maybe this year is the year!
I keep thinking that too lol .. maybe this year will be the year ..
I’m in the same position as you: an avid traveller with a fear of flying. I don’t know when I became afraid, as I wasn’t when I was younger. Perhaps when I became a mother?
Anyway, I’ve tried a lot of things to address my fears. First, I made a strong effort to learn about flying and aviation, so I knew how some of the things that scared me were addressed by the industry. I took a class through my local airport (YVR), and had an opportunity to visit the regional air traffic control station, where I learned about flight planning, spacing controls, and the (many) mechanisms in place to prevent collisions. The class also allowed me access to tour a flight deck with a pilot, and his confidence (before he flew our family to California) gave me a lot of confidence in turn.
I tried behavioural therapy but found it slow, not very helpful, and expensive.
I find reading and re-reading parts of ‘Cockpit Confidential’ very helpful, strangely. The author, Patrick Smith, explains some of the sounds and explores some of the fears that we nervous fliers have, and makes me feel more at ease that what I’m experiencing on a flight is completely normal. Other parts, such as his personal thoughts about the various paint jobs of different airlines isn’t really relevant, and his description of major crashes of the last century is decidedly unhelpful. But the other sections really help me, and I re-read them nearly every time I fly.
Before flying I check weather reports to see if there could be something untoward, and I review turbulence reports (both online and phone app). It might make me nervous to know we’re landing on a windy day, but psychologically I feel more prepared if I know it’s coming, so if there is some turbulence I know it’s not unexpected.
While flying, I’ve found that having that little bit of control by selecting an aisle seat close to the middle of the plane helps psychologically. My very expensive Bose noise-reduction headset with music (not podcasts) really helps, for reasons I can’t explain, but I utterly refuse to fly without it. I would suggest that the noise-reduction headset is the single thing that has helped me the most with my fear of flying.
There’s an app on my phone called SOAR that explains a bit about flying and fears relating to it. A component of that app is a G-meter. It actually records in real time the g-forces that the plane is experiencing during turbulence. Now, turbulence freaks me out, but when I’m told that the aircraft is designed to go through sustained forces up to 2.5G and my little app shows me in real time that we’re well within those parameters, it makes me feel much more at ease. http://www.fearofflying.com/app/index4.shtml
I’m not a drinker so I’ve never tried alcohol, but I’ve had some moderate success with taking motion sickness pills (Dramamine). It doesn’t make me less scared, but I’ve found that eventually the sleepiness outweighs the terror and I fall asleep.
If ever there is plane-related news, I consciously avoid it. The MH-380 thing really did a number of me, fear-wise. I also avoid any videos on youtube etc of plane-related things (so-called scary landings, etc.) Although I’ve learned through all my studies, that many of the ‘scary’ landings are actually totally normal and well within the parameters of the aircraft, so now I can watch them and find it helpful – – – something that looks pretty unnerving is actually just fine.
Sorry to be so long-winded about this, but as you can see, it’s consumed a lot of my time! I really want to be able to enjoy the journey, but it’s that much harder when you’re white-knuckled for the entire flight. I also don’t want my kids to see and mirror my irrational fears, so that’s a strong motivating factor too.
I hope you’re able to find some way to address your fears. If you have any tips or suggestions, I’d be lglad to hear them!
Hi Madi, I used to be terrified of flying, especially after my children were born. I would drink alcohol even on those 6 a.m flights lol. It wasn’t until a pilot told me that it was in the first 60 seconds of take off that most problems on a plane will occur. Now I cover my ears and count to sixty then I’m completely good to go. It worked and trust me, my anxiety used to start a week before take off.
That’s so interesting, I’ve never heard that before. I’ll have to try it tomorrow on my way home! I think I can suffer through 60 seconds 🙂 Thanks for sharing Trish!
Angie, thank you for sharing all of these tips! They are truly fantastic and super helpful. I never thought about taking a course through the local airport but that is so smart, I’ll have to look into it. Would be interesting enough I’m sure on it’s own even if I don’t overcome my fears. I’ll also have to download that app to see what it’s like. I also just got a pair of noise cancelling headphones and used them on my first flight a week ago, it was actually the first time I was ever able to sleep even for half an hour on a plane (usually I’m too nervous to do anything but sit there wasting time). Really appreciate your feedback!
Your experiences sound like my first time flying to Guatemala. I was absolutely petrified and crying. I’ve gotten better now and actually think flying is fun but I still understand the fear. Hopefully you find something that helps you get through soon! (Though I personally think alcohol on flights is a great idea!)
That must be stressful, to have to face your fear all over again, every time! I travel with someone who is terrified of flying. The first time we went somewhere, I thought it was just a game, to keep holding my hand so tight and saying how bad it was. Turns out, it really is that bad for them. Yes, alcohol helps, but, perhaps, for such cases it is worth to visit a specialist and discuss if there is any prescription anti-anxiety medication you can take? Or, if you have more time, do therapy to get to the root of the issue? Otherwise it must suck so badly, not to enjoy the flights at all 🙁
I’m like you – I’ve always hated flying. I always listen to my iPod on take off and mouth along with the words to try and block it out (fine until I recently flew with UK budget airline Jet2 who for some ridiculous reason say no headphones during takeoff – as soon as the cabin crew sat down I just put it back on as I know my ancient iPod with no internet connection can’t possibly cause any issues). One thing I read which really helps me is if you’re scared, just look at the cabin crew merrily going about their job calmly and normally – this does help me a lot. I also think of turbulence as pot holes in the sky – uncomfortable but at the end of the day, they can’t really cause any damage. Hope your fear eases one day, I’m hoping mine does.
I used to be scared of flying and took Valium for it but it just went away gradually.
There are effective treatments out there. I’m a clinical hypnotherapist and I had one session with somebody two weeks ago, taught him some techniques, worked on how his brain stored the memories of being fearful and he was able to take a 13 hour flight two days later quite comfortably. I’d also suggest you find a qualified EFT/tapping practitioner to help you. EFT can be very effective, very quickly for phobias.
I really admire that you don’t let your fear stop you travelling.
White sauces ! That’s so funny
You are not an idiot for flying – quote the contrary. Ten years ago I too was a blithering mess when flying ( and my father was a pilot!) but the more I have done it the easier it has become. Just keep reminding yourself of the statistics and focus on the facts. It does get better, trust me.
I think because I started flying as a kid I’m not afraid? But I understand you. I don’t think you’re a sham for posing happy before boarding, you’re happy to travel, not to fly! Personally I hate flying because the flights can be so long, and the process of going to and leaving the airport is painful. So like you I drink a bit on my flight if it’s an open bar to pass time! Lol
I am totally with you on the fear of flying! With every flight I take is a fear that it will be my last. I hate take off (because I read something somewhere at some point that said that most planes that crash will do so not long after take off) and turbulence scares the crap out of me (my boyfriend is the woman who sat next to you; he thinks it’s FUN!). I think we should feel proud that in spite of this we still fly. For me my passion for travel is stronger than my fear of flying (although when I’m sat on the plane waiting for it to leave, I’m often doubting that fact!) 😉
You are not alone, I’m afraid of flying too. And I agree I think it gets worse as we get older and we hear more and more things happening on flights. I try to remind myself of the statistics of how many flights are in the air at any given time and remind myself that you never hear about the thousands and thousands of flights that land safely every day. I also remind myself of a flight back from Spain that was particularly turbulent and the captains came on and said that planes can handle much worse than that. I just try to relax and distract myself, but I have a long flight coming up in two weeks and I’m absolutely dreading it for these very reasons !
Lol! I hope one day to find flying fun, for now I’ll stick to hoping to just “get by”
Yup I definitely feel the same way – they should report on how many flights landed in any given day safely lol. Someone once told me that turbulence is like driving on a rocky / pebbly road so it’s the normal way a car would react too – a little jostling here and there. That actually helped me a little bit as well.
LOL! Your boyfriend is a lucky guy to love it so much … and I do think we should be proud for facing our fears every time we take off. It’s tough but I guess it’s a bit courageous right? It seems like a fear of flying is something quite a number of other bloggers deal with so I’m glad I’m not alone!
You’re so lucky! Mental note to self, when I have kids start them flying super young 🙂
I’m so glad it gets better! I never used to be like this as a kid it’s so weird. I can’t believe your dad was a pilot how friggen cool is that – also love the name of your blog it’s so cute!
Thanks so much for the suggestion Candice! I’ll definitely have to look into EFT / tapping practitioner, never even knew something like that existed it sounds so interesting.
LOL! I do the same thing with my headphones every time. Even when they tell you not to. Listening to my favourite song definitely helps calm me down a little bit. I totally agree with you as well though when I watch the flight attendents going about their day like it’s a normal work day I can’t help but think – if they aren’t concerned why should I be?
Your poor travel partner lol. You’re right though it’s definitely worth seeing someone to try and get something to calm my nerves. Who knows maybe I’ll find a pill so great I’ll enjoy flying!
That is helpful to know!